02 April 2012 ~ 0 Comments

I Avoided “The Room” When Death Came Calling

Ok… so I avoided the room where all her stuff was…
I went around it.
I didn’t go inside.
I did everything I could to avoid “the room”.
I knew what was there and the reminder was just too painful!

A couple months after our baby died I found myself avoiding the room where we had her pictures, cards and special mementos, the cradle and rocking chair…
Why?

There was a decision that got me through some very rough times of intense grief.
I want to share it with you…

The baby’s room… it feels so empty…
As empty as my arms since my baby died.

But wait….
It’s not really empty…
It only feels as barren as my soul…

The small cradle is still here.
The rocking chair sits quietly in the corner.
The changing table has sleepers, diapers, burp rags, lotion, wet wipes..
Everything is waiting for the baby that did not come home with us…

The changing table has become home to a basket of cards we have received since our baby died.
There are two pictures of Bethany that were taken while she was alive.
I see them laying so quiet and still.
The autopsy report is here.  It doesn’t move.
The pink rose Philip gave me is still here but it is dried up now.
The pictures we took at the funeral home are here…

The only thing missing is our baby…
…………………………and ME!
Yes, I am missing!

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27 July 2010 ~ 0 Comments

How Far is Heaven?

How far is Heaven? I asked myself this many times after my baby died.

A couple months had passed since my baby died…
I was in the kitchen cleaning up the supper dishes and singing.   I love to sing!  :-o

The song I was singing was one I remembered from my childhood. It was on an old 45 record my Dad used to have. The song was written about a little girl who had lost her Daddy and she was asking her Mommy…how far is Heaven?

I do not remember the words to the actual song but I do remember the chorus. I’ve included the video of this song here and at the end of this post.

Tonight I made up my own words.
They went like this…

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09 September 2009 ~ 0 Comments

Living Life or Just Going Through The Motions

Sometimes in the grieving process a person may feel like they’re just going through the motions and not really living life.

Going through the motions of life without really feeling connected to what is happening around them.
Going through the motions and feeling isolated from reality.
Going through the motions because of the intense hurt and pain that happens when someone you love dies.
Going through the motions because right now that’s all you seem to be able to do.
Going through the motions just doing what needs to be done…  It’s kinda like being a zombie…just roaming around… wondering when the next shoe is going to drop…

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31 August 2009 ~ 0 Comments

Tommy Dorsey’s Special Song

Alone… in a fog of grief…falling apart…feeling that God did him an injustice…not wanting to write anymore songs… Tommy Dorsey shares his poignant story. A rich melody came to his soul, healed his spirit, restored his joy. One man’s triumph over the bitter pain of death, grief, intense sorrow, and loss.

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18 June 2009 ~ 1 Comment

Have You Given Yourself Permission To Cry?

Have you ever heard the expression “For crying out loud”?
What does it mean to you?
Some might say it’s just a silly expression of surprise when something unusual happens.  “Good Grief” is often used the same way.  Is there a grain of truth in these sayings?
Is it really okay to cry out loud?
Is it okay for others to cry out loud but not okay for you?
Grief can be intense . . . real intense!  Sometimes grief comes when you’re the least prepared. . .

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