Doing What Comes Next

Recently a friend of mine had a life changing experience.  She has experienced life changing events before but this one is a moment she will remember for the rest of her life.  Suddenly and without warning her husband collapsed while working.  No amount of life-saving techniques made any difference.  She watched in disbelief as her husband died.  He was 55 years old.  She is 48.  There are 5 children still living at home and the youngest is in 3rd grade.

I have been inspired by what I see her doing.  It is something that is serving her really well as she faces many unknowns and is suddenly plunged into the grieving process.
She just keeps on doing what comes next.

Doing what comes next may not seem like a very big deal to some.
Doing what comes next may not even be something a person is actually aware of doing.
Doing what comes next… what does it mean?

When death happens it’s easy to be in such a fog of grief that you are kind of in a daze.  Doing what comes next means making decisions and choices about many things.  These decisions become an anchor to the reality of what is happening.  Making decisions require you to be present and in the moment.  They have a tendency to pull you right out of the fog of grief.  As you make decisions and choices you are doing what comes next whether it is a decision about funeral services, a way to celebrate the life that has been lived, or how you will create precious memories of this life changing event.

Doing what comes next is allowing yourself to experience each moment… no matter what you are thinking and feeling.  Sometimes crying and intense sadness and grief is what comes next.  Sometimes it is filling out papers and forms.  Sometimes it is calling others to let them know about this life changing event.  Sometimes what comes next is writing the obituary.

When you experience a moment such as this I encourage you to allow yourself to do what comes next.
There is no need to try to figure out why this particular task is next…
There is no need to figure out why this particular feeling is next…
Sometimes there are no answers for the questions you have…but questions come anyway.
They are what’s next.

As you face each moment and do what comes next there may be times when you aren’t sure what’s next.  That’s okay.  This, too, is a normal part of grieving.  Whatever it is you are experiencing doesn’t have to be figured out… it is okay to not know why you are thinking and feeling what you are.  Accept it as a part of the grieving process…move through it by doing whatever it is that is next.

The benefit of doing what comes next is the letting go of expectations you have of yourself and gives freedom for to you to experience each moment creating meaning and memories that keep moving you forward through the whole grieving process.

Here’s to the doing of what comes next…
May the doing of what comes next bring moments of peace and comfort to your hurting soul…

With Love and Compassion,
Susan Holsinger
Ps. I’d love to hear from you… How did this article touch you? Please leave me a comment.
Pps. Don’t want to miss any articles?  Subscribe to my posts in the upper right corner!

Posted Oct. 9, 2009

Be Sociable, Share!

Leave a Reply

This blog is kept spam free by WP-SpamFree.