Celebrating Birthdays? My Child Isn’t Here!

Today the calendar says it’s been another year since our baby died.
Have you experienced that yet?
We have experienced this day 27 times already and wonder where the years have gone?  Sometimes it seems like it happened yesterday.  Other times it seems like a long time ago.

Birthdays are special… a time of celebration… a time of looking into and dreaming of the future and places this child might go.

So how do you celebrate a birthday when your child is not here?
The important thing to decide first is what would make this day special to you?  Do you want to start a family tradition that you will observe every year on this day?

What is it you want to create for yourself and others as you remember the day that totally changed your life?

It is up to you…
Will it be a celebration that creates special meaning to all those who participate?

On our babies birthday we always take our children and go visit her grave.  It may sound silly but we have a little tradition we started.  We sing “Happy Birthday” and then we share the story of her life and the day she was born. Then we have an open discussion where everyone talks and when we finish sharing we close with prayer.

Sometimes I bake a birthday cake.  On our babies 16th birthday we invited the extended family by special invitation to meet us at the grave.  Afterward everyone came back to our house and we had “angel food”.  My husband gave me 16 roses.  It was a very special evening.

Over the years as our children grew up we noticed some very interesting things happening.  We had conversations at the grave about many things; things we don’t think we would have ever talked about in any other situation.  Another thing we noticed is how real Heaven is to our children.  It is a real place to them since they have a sister there.

My challenge to you is this:
Do something to make this day a special one!
You will be so glad you did.

Suggestions of things to do to make this day special:
1.    plant a flower, shrub or tree in memory
2.    put a rose on the grave
3.    bake a special birthday cake
4.    go out for supper and talk about this event in your life
5.    create a memory book
6.    look at the cards you received
7.    sing the “Happy Birthday” song
8.    dedicate a song to your child
9.    share things that have special significance to you since this happened
10.  share how this changed you and what it means to you

With Compassion and Love,
Susan Holsinger

Ps.  “My Little Angel” ~ the perfect place to write everything down you want to remember.  Available to purchase right here at Good Grief and You.  Also available is our exclusive line of products created to keep your child’s memory alive in your heart forever.

March 26, 2010

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